Supporting Role

When I was a Senior in high school, I auditioned for the school musical. I had never acted or been in a play, but I loved to sing, and I wanted to do it. Like I often do, I decided that if I was going to do it, I was going to do it 100%, so I auditioned for the female lead. I got understudy. Basically that meant I got to do all of the preparation, but I would probably never be seen. I did get to do one matinee performance. I think about 10 people were there because most of the school was away at the state basketball championship with the team. Even the rest of the cast was in the green room between their scenes, listening to the game. I don't remember much of that performance, except I felt a little lost and alone and barely made it through.

Today I'm seeing my life that way. I feel like I'm behind the scenes playing supporting roles for other people. That wouldn't be bad, if I were in proper character, but sometimes I think that I've been cast all wrong. Even worse, sometimes I feel like I'm in roles I'm not equipped or prepared to be in. I'm forgetting lines, dropping props, messing up choreography all over the place. Even worse than THAT, it doesn't even seem like any of it matters. Everyone else is off doing something more important, and the little part I play today isn't really going to matter tomorrow.

I'm feeling a little lost and alone and I'm not sure I'm making it through all that well. I'm stuck in the same scene, making the same mistakes almost every time. For every mistake I fix, I make a new one. My castmates are getting frustrated with me. Surely the director is questioning my placement. The audience is bored.

So, what now? Re-write the script? Muddle through until the curtain is drawn? The show must go on, but to what end?